Sweet Escape

Carter's First Circus!

2010-06-10T20:55:00.000-07:00

Rode and elephant! It was awesome!!

Introduced Carter to the best stuff on earth....COTTON CANDY!!!
Unfortunately it was quite the white trash circus and I didn't much enjoy watching the "big boned" girls spins balls on their feet and hang from the ceiling! It just wasn't a pretty site. But fun none the less and FREE, can't beat that!

Parties and Trick or treating!

2009-12-27T21:54:00.000-08:00

I absolutely love halloween!

CARVING PUMPKINS

2009-12-27T21:49:00.000-08:00

COSTUMES

2009-12-27T21:42:00.001-08:00

Cambri was the cutest witch you've ever seen! And Carter was the cutest vampire! Jason...not so much~~!

PUMPKIN PICKIN'

2009-12-27T21:39:00.000-08:00

Making up lost time...Halloween!

2009-12-27T21:20:00.001-08:00

Fun at Thanksgiving Point'

Happy Birthday Mom

2009-11-24T21:39:00.000-08:00

Another day I dread. I hate to say that because it is my mom's birthday. How can I say that about my moms birthday. The tears started yesterday and continued through today. Jason asked me what I wanted to do today and all I truly wanted to do was get in bed and pull the covers over my head. But when you are mom you never get to do that. So I got up and pushed through the morning. Our hospice nurse Larri became much more than just a nurse to me. She is the only person who saw what we went through and she herself lost her own son when he was 9 years old. Her son Trevor's birthday is tomorrow (the day after my moms). Since I cannot go to St. George to visit my mom's grave I go to Trevor's and visit his and Nurse Larri goes mom's. This year my grandparents (the best in the world) and Jenny came with me to the cemetery and we left balloons on Trevor's grave. I truly feel in my heart I know Trevor and when I see my mom I will see Trevor as well and know him. I feel he's an amazing person! I also have a tradition of buying balloons for each member of my family so each of us get to write a message on the balloon for mom and let it go outside. I want my children to know my mom and know their grandma Chris. We talk to Carter all the time about Grandma Chris. He says all the time she is in Heaven with Jesus and every time I hear the words they penetrate my soul. It is my mission to always know her as if she were here with me and to teach my children of her so they know her as well as they ever could. Another day, another year. I love you mom with all my heart and miss you beyond description. Happy happy Birthday!
Love Your
Shanny Babe

Carter's Finally 3!!!

2009-11-03T20:55:00.000-08:00

Carter is absolutely obsessed with train! Especially Thomas! So fittingly we had a train birthday extravaganza! Train pinata, train cake, and the best thing of all he got an amazing train table! He absolutely loves it. It was so much fun giving it to him. The look on his face made every little heartache I have experienced as a mother completely worth it! He still plays with it almost constantly. We had lots of friends and family come and he got some great things. He even got a new bike from Grandma Kidman! Which he likes to be pushed around the house on with his cool new helmet. It was a monumentous day and he was beat by the end of it. And I sure am glad we have made it to the big 3! Happy Birthday my baby boy!

Cute Growing Cam!

2009-11-03T20:21:00.000-08:00

Boxes

2009-10-09T15:12:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago my siblings and I decided it was time to go through the boxes of my mom's clothes. I have kept the boxes so safe. I wanted to make sure nothing happened to them and the smells were kept and anything else I could hold onto. I didn't want anything to go away. This task is something I knew I would have to do but dreaded the day we would actually sit down and do it. I prepared myself all day. I know this sounds strange but I had to take some time to sit down and grieve by myself, let go of those boxes, let go of the responsibility and control, and be okay with it.

Tara, Jenny, Casey and I sat down surrounded by these simple boxes holding simply clothing....but as we went slowly through every article of clothing there came tears, hysterical laughs, more tears, special memories, simple memories, more laughs and yet more tears. It was another release, another small step forward, another grasp of acceptance, and another reality of heartache.

We were all filled with love and understanding for each other. Respecting each others pain and memories. We get it, we get what the other is missing, loving, and losing. Shirts that reminded us of special events and ordinary events. The dress my mom wore at my wedding. The jacket she wore when she held my son for the first time. The shirt she would wear when she held my son for the last time. Those clothes she wore that reminded us of her sickness. The many many dance and work out clothes that defined so much of who my mom is and on and on until there were no tears or laughter left.

It was nice to spend that time together as siblings. To remember, to grieve, to cry, and to laugh. Mom would have been proud of us for doing an unthinkable task. So much of the time we spend trying to forget the pain, trying to pretend its not real, covering the heartache with something...anything. Sometimes it is necessary to face it straight on and maybe try to accept another piece of it.

Starting tomorrow, each of us will begin making our own blankets out of the clothes that carry so much meaning. (thank you Barb so much for your help with that) I think it will be another small step forward. Perhaps eventually these small steps will take us to higher ground and happier times.

pArTy!

2009-09-08T16:07:00.001-07:00

We had a party to celebrate Jason's 29th Birthday, Labor Day, and the completion of our beautiful yard! It was the best! We had such a great time. Jason set up Rockband, we had music playing, our good good friend Mariano (who helped us finish our basement and backyard) brought his authentic taco stand! The food was absolutely incredible! It was amazing with lots of good friends and family! Thanks for a great time! What will I do for Jason's 30th birthday!?? It will be hard to top this party! Happy Birthday babe! We love you!

Jason got a professional massage in his own basement! Casey is going to massage therapy school and is AMAZING! Anybody that is interested in getting massaged call me! Its discounted and he is sooo GOOD at it! Thanks Casey!

HARD WORK

2009-09-08T14:50:00.000-07:00

Our yard is finally finished with many battle wounds to show for it! No trees or shrubs yet (maybe next year) It has been such hard work! I am so glad we have gotten this far...and remained married through it! ha ha! I absolutely love it. Everything turned out beautiful! Jason did such a great job! And I did too if I don't say so myself! Here are some before and after pictures of the masterpiece! Carter loves all of it. The sandbox, swings, tetherball, tramp! Makes me so happy to finally get to see him playing outside!

Ready!... Set!... Go!...

2009-08-30T22:15:00.000-07:00

We are crawling! Cam has been crawling for awhile and she's now getting really fast! I had to put my plants up and I'm cleaning the floors constantly since they are her new best friend these days!

2009-08-30T22:01:00.000-07:00

So this is what happens when your older cousin gets a hold of you! I was at my sister Tara's house and all of a sudden star divas Jay and Carter come walking down the stairs looking like this. I have never laughed so hard in my entire life!

Can I get a what what!

2009-08-25T20:28:00.000-07:00

I have so many things I want to get posted. I just cannot find the time. However, I want to get our little weekend adventure posted while it is fresh in my mind. Last week Carter went to stay at his Grandma Kidman's house for 4 nights and 5 days! He did great...I on the other hand resorted to tears more than once. On Sunday we met Jason's parents half way to pick Carter up then we headed straight to Park City to use a "free" 2 night stay we had gotten from attending a salespitch thing over a year ago. I'm glad we were finally able to use it but I will NEVER be doing that again. It was such a hassle and I am not so fond of the company now. Anyhow, let me brief you on our great adventure!

Our hotel was.....well.....let's just call it special. It was one of those where I kept shoes on at all times and the thought of letting Cambri's precious little baby skin come remotely close to the carpet was horrifying. Yes it was that kind of place. I was afraid of going out of the room by myself. The entire thing was deserted. I never saw one actual human being that worked there. After much frustrated research I discovered the way to check out was to drop your key in this creepy box labeled "drop key here". I thought for sure the elevator was going to plummet me to my death everytime I stepped inside, even though it was the distance of about 4 stairs which I never did discover where any stairs were. The first night I saw a bug on the wall by the bed (and when I say bed I mean a mattress on a metal frame from the DI with a stiff sheet and a blanket that I refused to touch...(and when I say bug I mean the scariest bug on the planet and a huge personal fear I will never overcome...an EARWIG). I'm certain its the same hotel they feature in all the horror films. I did not obtain any pictures of this special place but if you would like a referral I would be glad to put in a good word to ...well...there is no evidence of actual people there, so you are out of luck! Oh and Jason thought the hotel was great. ohhhh...the differences between husbands and wives. Sometimes we think Jason is "special" too. ;)

Regardless of our luxurious room and board we had a great time. A bit stressful with two little ones but still great. Carter had the time of his life. Jenny came to spend the afternoon with us Monday at the Alpine slide area. We got Carter an all day pass so he rode all the rides all day. I took him on the Alpine slide which brought back some serious memories for Jenny and I and he had a blast racing Jenny and cousin Blake down the track (we won!). Jason took him on the Coaster and he LOVED it. I'm so proud of him. He is growing up! Then later that day I batted my pretty eyes and pulled the "poor mom" card and the workers let me take Carter on the coaster again for free (a $20 value!!) Car and I spotted 2 moose and never put the brakes on once going down, it was awesome! Anyway Carter really loved it and it brought me to tears seeing his face light up with excitement...then also brought me to tears when he threw MAJOR fits when we had to leave. :)

Today we got up and headed to Heber where we boarded for the Heber Valley Train! What an experience! If you haven't done it YOU SHOULD! Anyone who knows Carter knows how obsessed he is with Trains right now. He will play with trains all day and all night. They go to bed with him and wake up with him. Lately he has turned all his cars into trains by making Jason hook them all together using "duck tape"....also known as zip ties, Jason's duck tape, everything at our house is held together by zip ties. We bought him a little train before we boarded and he still has not put it down. He absolutely loved getting on a real train. In the middle of the ride the train stops and these outlaws come riding up to the train on horses shooting their guns and act like they are robbing it. It was so cool. Carter was a bit confused but the guy gave him a gold chocolate nugget so he was ok with it. He keeps saying he wants to go on the train again. It was a great experience.

It feels like we were gone forever and I am so so so happy to be back home with everyone sleeping AWAY from me. Everyone in their own rooms and own beds where they should be and where I am left to sleep in peace. :) 1 adult (me) and 3 children (including Jason) in one tiny creepy hotel room = no fun or sleep for me :0 The first night I literally flew out of bed a total of at least 8 x thinking Carter was going to fall off the couch he was sleeping on. Well here are lots of pictures from our fun family vacation!

Explanation: the title of this post is Carter's new catch phrase Jason taught him while yelling it down the coaster. It is hiliarious and he's such a polite boy he says "can I get a what what please" ha ha ha

Catching up...

2009-07-28T21:58:00.000-07:00

I have a few posts to catch up on. Because this blog has taken the place of my scrapbooking and journaling for the moment I want to catch up on a few big and small events that have taken place in the last few months. More to come later...because now I'm off to bed. :)

2009-07-28T21:27:00.000-07:00

Cambri is my absolute angel. She makes me so happy! She was a true blessing in my life. She has the happiest little spirit. She hardly ever cries, she goes to sleep like an angle, she just seems to love life and love all of us! Every single day I look at her and cannot believe she is mine! I can't believe I have my little girl. I am so excited and blessed to be her mom and hopefully her best friend someday like my mom is to me. You are my angel Cam!

Look at my TONGUE!

2009-07-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

Cam has found her tongue! She is sticking it out all the time. It's hilarious' Sweet girl~

PIG TAILS!!

2009-07-28T21:14:00.000-07:00

I know I am Crazy! But oh my gosh I can't believe I have a little girl that I get to doll all up and do her hair! Wait till she really gets some hair...the possibilities are endless!

Cambri's Blessing Day

2009-07-28T19:04:00.001-07:00

Cambri's blessing day was wonderful! She was a perfect angle, even though she was coming down with RSV (which we did not know) She ended up in the hospital just a few days later. The day was great with lots of friends and family. Her grandma Kidman bought her a gorgeous blessing dress and mom bought her a special bracelet. She had white beautiful bloomers made special just for her with her initials on them. The most precious thing that accompanied her on her blessing day was the beautiful white blessing blanket that Grandma Chris made for Carter that got passed down for her blessing day. We all felt her presence and love with us so strongly that day. As I sat listening to the blessing I felt the warmth of my mom's around me and I know without a doubt she was there with me and my baby girl. Cambri's daddy gave her the most beautiful blessing. Both mommy and daddy both bore their testimonies, which have grown with the presence of our little girl in our l ives! We love you soooo much Cambri!

Thoughts

2009-07-07T21:26:00.000-07:00

Lately I cannot stop thinking about my mom. It has been awhile since I have written about her. I choose not to go there most the time. It is too hard and easier not to. If I open the wound...it gushes. But I just cannot get her off my mind. So I opened the wound tonight. My wonderful neighbor girls Kirrah and Ashley are taking off on a little vacation and heading to St. George and staying at my dad's house for a couple days. As I was telling them all the "hot spots" to hit in St. George I couldn't help but think of all the places mom and I would go and how many memories St. George holds for my family. We have been going there for so long. So I started telling the girls about my mom. Showing them pictures. Talking about her. Showing them some of my most precious possessions that I hold so sacred. I have a drawer that is filled with things from my mom, things from the funeral, wonderful things, and really hard things to face, things I choose not to face. I never ever open that drawer and tonight I just wanted to share a piece of myself and my mom with these great girls. Sometimes I just want to be surrounded with anything that is her. Nobody around me knows who my mom is and what she means to me. I want to shout it from the rooftops! I want to talk about her...I want to remember her...I want everyone to know her. Just a couple nights ago fairly late I picked up the phone without even thinking and called my dad. We sobbed together on the phone wondering how our life has ended up in this place. The reality of mom being gone and leaving us needing her. My dad told me how much he and my mom love me. Parents are irreplaceable. I can't believe I somehow ended up with the amazing parents I have. Helps me to be a better mother. My dad is a great man and will be blessed for the things he has endured in this life. My head hurts, my heart aches, my body trembles with the love, respect and longing for my mom. I cannot wait for the day I can rest from those feelings and she can wrap her arms around me once again.

The many many days with that green thing!

2009-06-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

Just want to let everyone know we did it! We are officially binkie free! I went away to girls camp and I came back and he hasn't even asked for it since (with one exception, but quickly remembered the stupid binkie was broken). I almost cried the first time I put him down and he didn't ask for it! I cannot believe I did it. I actually did it! I am absolutely over the stars proud of myself and Carter. I don't think anybody understands the degree of this accomplishment. HUGE! I must say there is a part of me that misses that green thing, it got us through many a tough days...but I am glad we conquered it. Now onto potty training and getting little miss to sleep through the night. Does it ever end...

Signing out a very happy mom!

DETOX Day 2

2009-06-24T15:29:00.000-07:00

No Fun. I am having absolute regrets about this whole binkie thing! What in the world was I thinking. What's wrong with binkies anyhow. Yesterday was a cake walk compared to today. Carter has slapped me in the face, thrown his water cup at me, cried in his bed for an hour when it was time for his nap, and never did go to sleep (and I needed that nap desperately today!) However, I must say there is some good news in this posting. I am leaving! Right now. In minutes. I am headed up to girls camp for a couple days with baby Cam. All I have to say is good luck Jason!

Signing out...Detox Day 2

Heartbreak

2009-06-23T21:29:00.000-07:00

I am absolutely heartbroken. We made it through the day and did really well. We even made it through our nap with no binkie. Carter really seemed to understand that his binkies have gotten old. He is extremely sad. Honestly his little face makes ME want to burst into tears. Bedtime tonight has not gone so smooth. He has been crying and whimpering for the last 30 minutes. I have gone in a few times to comfort him, he just says "I want my bibi". It's so sad. If Jason hadn't held me back I would have given him one! I finally sang him some songs that seemed to take his mind off it. I feel like a horrible mom who has just taken away his most prized possession. What mother does that!! Just need to remember I know whats best...or do I...what's the big deal about a binkie...why CAN'T he have one still??? Signing out not happy....DETOX DAY 1

Pictured: Carter looking for a "bibi" stragler anywhere he can think to look...

Binkie DETOX Day 1

2009-06-23T11:03:00.001-07:00

Here we go...Carter would not stop asking for his binkie this morning and I am getting so sick of it. So I just did it! Ahh...what did I just do. I got some good advice from a friend in my ward so I think I can do it. We'll see.

So here we go Detox Day 1:

Oh my gosh, this is the saddest face I have ever seen. I want to run and give him a binkie so bad! I think this may be more of a detox for mommy!

Project 'get rid of binkie'....not going well...

2009-05-20T21:51:00.000-07:00

Precious Moments

2009-05-20T21:43:00.000-07:00

These are two of the most important people in my life. I love them more than words can describe. Since I lost my mom and my sweet grandparents lost their daughter our relationship has grown even closer than it was. My grandma has picked up many broken pieces for us and given us love and support. Whenever I have an urge to call my mom and tell her something cute the kids did or when I have questions about cooking or laundry, I call my grandma and I know she truly cares! My grandpa is there to keep us laughing! I love you both so much!

Eating My Toes

2009-05-20T21:37:00.000-07:00

A Day of Flowers at Thanksgiving Point

2009-05-20T21:18:00.000-07:00

A kiss for you...

And one for you!

'Good Friends'

A GOOD DAY WITH GOOD FRIENDS

Our Monkey

2009-05-04T12:13:00.001-07:00

It hurts to be beautiful!

2009-05-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

BAD HAIR DAY

2009-05-04T12:04:00.000-07:00

Potty Time... Help!

2009-04-27T14:29:00.000-07:00

How do I potty train my little baby?! Shouldn't somebody teach me or something. Isn't there a manual that comes with these kids' He's doing great. He has his little potty and he loves to go on it. He takes his diaper off and just goes. We have a huge party every time he goes and he gets a "pez". So basicaly he's doing great. He wears a diaper and just kinda goes when he wants to, before he gets in the bath, before bed...and sometimes other random times. I just don't know what to do from here. Do I just let him keep going on his own?...I have underwear and pull-ups that he likes to put on every once in awhile. I bought a book online called How to Potty Train in 3 days. Very strict plan, but I'm not sure how to do that with having to take care of and feed Cambri at the same time. And I'm not sure that is the best thing to do? I don't know...will it just come eventually? It's not a problem or anything, I just wonder if I should be doing something to push it.
Signed- Awaiting help :)

Calling to tell daddy we went potty!--------------------

Another success...

2009-04-26T21:39:00.000-07:00

We are getting pretty good at this whole hospital thing. Pretty soon I won't even blink an eye. We had a successful episode Friday! Thanks for everyones support and advice. Carter did great' After a few talks with Jason the night before we decided it would be best for Carter and Myself if I stayed home with Cambri. I guess he thought dealing with just one crying family member would be enough. Carter crying AND ME crying wasn't to appealing to Jason. So I stayed home staring at my phone awaiting updates. Daddy did great though, it was over quick, and within a few hours he was back to normal! Now we are brushers and flossers and the next item on the agenda is project "GET RID OF BINKIE". I'm sure it will not go well but here's to hoping! Here he is in the hospital with his little scrubs on! Poor little nugget!

Here we go again...

2009-04-23T15:57:00.000-07:00

So I guess we should move so we live closer to an aray of hospitals since we make regular visits there! Yep we are headed to the hospital again tomorrow morning 6 am! I hate it! I am sick to my stomach about it. This time we are going for Carter to get some dental work done cause he has loser parents that let him go to bed with juice for 2 years!!! And he takes after me and likes his candy! I'm such a loser, I know better than that. But regardless, I am scared to death. They have to put him completely out under a general anesthetic. So from what I am told...they take him back in a wagon through the double white doors and won't let me go with him. Then they put a mask over his face and 5 breaths later he's asleep...can you say awful!! I can't stop thinking about it, feel like throwing up. Anybody wanna tell me that I'm over reacting and this is no big deal!!

A Post just for Grandma and Grandpa!

2009-03-31T21:24:00.000-07:00

Grandma we wanted to show off our first pony tail!!! And brag because we have slept all the way through the night for 5 nights in a row and counting!...thanks to our thumb! Heaven bless that little thumb! We love you Great Grandma and Grandpa! Thank you for always loving us...even you gramps!!! Hope you can feel our love coming your way today' xox

Frustration

2009-03-24T15:22:00.000-07:00

Some people just don't get it and need a little help...JASON!

It's Official...

2009-03-24T14:32:00.000-07:00

...We have a thumb sucker! My Grandma called it from the very beginning. Good bye binkies, hello thumb! I keep joking that Cambri will get rid of her binkies before Carter does, I didn't think it would actually happen. But this little one takes after her dad "a fellow thumb sucker"...whose thumb is deformed to this day from sucking it!

Getting Big!

2009-03-17T18:40:00.000-07:00

We are 3 months old today! Happy St. Patricks Day!

Sleepy Baby

2009-03-16T12:51:00.001-07:00

I have decided I am going to try to post more day to day things that happen to us Kidmans! I want my kids to be able to look back and know the funny things they did. So here we go...

This morning Cambri was an angel. She's actually always an angel. She's just the happiest little baby. Anyway she was on the floor gooing and gaaing, I went over and started talking to her and she was smiling at me and we were having a great time and honestly no joke not 3 seconds later she was dead asleep! She just closed her eyes and was gone! I only wish sleeping was that easy!

Another Year

2009-03-12T22:02:00.000-07:00

How can it be another year. How could a whole year have passed again without my mom. Two years ago today she left. I cannot believe it. I am waiting for this shocking feeling to go away. It comes and goes. I still don't understand when and how it will get better. I have been dreading this date. Wondering what to do, where to go, how to act. Do I give in and just cry all day...do I not think about it? I mean I hate this day with every part of my being. Hate it. I don't want to celebrate this day. I don't want to remember this day. I want this date to drop off the calendar. I know its just another day...but it is the day she left for good. It is the last day I got to be with her and hold her hand. I just hate it. After a lot of thought I decided to just not think about it today, I think that is the advice my mom would give me, so I spent a few hours with my sisters which is always fun and then my sweet husband took the day off to just be with me. He took us to the dinosaur museum which Carter absolutely loved and it made me happy seeing him play. Then he took us out to dinner. It was a good day. Being with my family is my favorite thing. Now as I am getting ready to go to bed I can't help but think about my mom. I love her so much and hope that everyone that still has their mom here with them doesn't take a moment of it for granted. You never know what life will bring you. Your life can be turned upside down in a matter of seconds. Mine was. I am grateful for those people I still do have in my life. I love my kids and my husband and would not still be here if it weren't for them. I decided to post this picture of my mom and my sweet baby boy Carter. She only got to know Carter here on earth for 4 months of his life. And I will cherish every second of those 4 months I was able to see her special love for him and the 25 years I got to spend with her by my side. I miss you more than I can bear mom. I love you. ~Shanny Babe~

When it Rains it Pours...

2009-03-08T22:25:00.000-07:00

Our little Angel Cambri was admitted to Primary Chidren's Hospital last Wednesday with RSV. She was so sick. We took her to their emergency room late Monday night where they did some tests and she tested positive for RSV. We finally got back home about 4 am, hoping she wouldn't get to much worse but she did. Tuesday night we were back in an emergency room in Orem to get her suctioned out, that night she cried all night long. Wednesday we took her into our pediatrician and he sent us straight to Primarys again. She looked awful and was dehydrated, not eating...she looked so sick. We spent all day in the ER that day. They did more tests on her...poking her, needles, tubes. I've never been so scared, I just wanted to take it all away so she wouldn't have to do it. The doctor came in and told us they wanted to doa spinal tap because she is so little they needed to rule out menangitis and any other sort of infection. I cried and cried and then left the room while Jason stayed with her to get the spinal tap. My poor little baby. I love her so much. She was admitted to the hospital and we stayed there for a hard two days and two nights. We had great nurses that took good care of us and I am so grateful to be home with my healthy happy baby! I am grateful I got to walk out of that hospital with a healthy baby cause I know many people don't get that. Cambri I love you so much. My love grew 1000x for you this week and will just keep growing! We are so glad to have you back home and getting better.

We did it!

2009-02-21T20:43:00.000-08:00

We made it! I honestly didn't think we would but we survived our broken leg tragedy! I didn't think we would make it through the tylenol with codeine that made him itch and act strange, or the baths with 2 inches of water and a garbage bag over his cast, the sleepless nights, teaching him to crawl, to walk, to move and most of all the tears of frustration. But we did...Carter got his cast off a couple days ago! I've never been more excited for anything in my life. The night before it felt like christmas x 10! And now my sweet little boy is back...his happy little spirit is back! The day or two before we went to get it off he kept saying to me "cast off". I'm so proud of him, he did so well! We had to teach him how to walk again for the 3rd time when he got it off and he is still limping a little but his little baby leg has seemed to heal perfectly. He is running and jumping and it is a joy I have not experienced. One of the best feelings a parent can have. Jason and I just need to work on letting him be his crazy self and not freaking out everytime he moves! When we got home I filled the tub up to the brim and filled it with bubbles and let him stay in for as long as he wanted, which was a long time. Here are a few pictures of our journey!

Learning to walk!

Waiting for the doctor

We did it!

My happy boy!

Private we go...

2009-01-30T21:02:00.000-08:00

We are jumping on the private bandwagon. Gimme your email if you can stand to read about us more! If you went private without me...add me shannon@kidmancorp.com

It Happened...

2009-01-24T21:02:00.000-08:00

One of my worst fears...happened. Last Saturday we were having a lovely rather peaceful day. Jason was outside cleaning the garage and I was cleaning the house. Carter was playing upstairs in my bedroom where I was vacuuming. All of a sudden Carter is screaming this horrible scream. I ran over to him laying on the floor beside our bed (a huge king bed that I just got days before for my birthday...curse that new bed). I picked him up and immediatley knew something was wrong. He kept pointing to his ankle with a sharp shrilling scream anytime it got touched or he moved it. We threw ourselves in the car and headed to the hospital. Carter almost immediatley fell asleep, which is never a good sign. We got to the ER and the doctor said this happens all the time and 90% of the time nothing is actually broken. They took xrays then the doctor came in and said..."did anyone actually see what happened" Like we were some neglectful parents or something...which I already feel awful about not being able to somehow prevent it!!! Then he said "why don't you come look at these xrays" Immediatley I burst into tears. Well Long story short... CARTER BROKE HIS LEG!!! He has a spiral break in the tibia on his left leg, so the break spirals about half way up his leg. It has been absolutely awful! To see your child be in so much pain and not be able to take it away is the worst feeling in the whole world. Between Carter and I there have been lots of tears this last week. But we are getting better now. Carter got his permanent cast on a couple days ago and we only have to have it on for 4 weeks! Yeah! We taught him how to crawl yesterday and we are stil working on getting up enough courage to try to walk. He's doing so good though and we are so proud of him! Can't wait till this is all over and he is back to his happy self!

This is right after we got home from the hospital...not a happy boy.

We've been having sleepovers in Carter's room...a very tired mommy and daddy!

The king's thrown...breakfast in bed please'

Nothing stops me from practicing my shot!

On our way to get our cast! Yeah!

Being wheeled around Primary Children's Hospital in my wagon mommy made for me!

Carter did so well. Thank goodness for bribing treats! Got us through the ER and the casting!

Brave boy!

Let's go home!
It's done!

Carter is starting to play and move around again now, which has brought me to tears! I will never take for granted his lively little spirit. I love him so much and can't believe the pain I feel when he is in pain. Even though this has been such a difficult experience, especially with a brand new baby, we know things could have been a lot worse so we are grateful for that. There will be an end to this and not everyone gets an end to their pain or their childs pain. I am grateful for 2 healthy babies that I get to raise! I love you Carter.

How do I return a kid??

2009-01-08T12:39:00.001-08:00

So is there a way to, ya know, take one back...ya know a return policy or something...do they come with a warranty...I've decided 2 is just too much! :) Everyone told me the transition from 1 to 2 kids is easy and that going from 2 to 3 is hard...ummmm if that is true I guess I better stop at 2. You probably all think I am a big wuss but dang it, it's hard! The other night it took Jason and I like 2 hours to get through a 30 minute tv show! And yesterday I decided I had the courage to take both kids to target just to run in and out real quick...I mean how hard could that be? Apparently VERY. I think it took us at least an hour to even get out the door. After working up the nerve to actually leave the house I got us all dressed, coats, shoes, put Cambri in her seat...she poops...get her out change her followed by her pooping AGAIN the second I get a new diaper on her. Then she's hungry I feed her, meanwhile Carter takes his shoes and socks off!(that I just put on him). I thought okay stay calm, you can do this. After a couple Carter fits I Finally get us all ready to go again ...SUCCESS we made it to the car with only one casualty, losing a binkie under the car which Carter thought was almost the end of his world. When we got to target I whipped out my new fabulous sit n stand stroller, get the kids in it, continue to calmly stroll through the store constantly almost killing Carter for escaping every 5 seconds and hiding in clothes racks. There was no room in the stoller to put the things I wanted to buy so in between grabbing Carter and making sure Cambri was covered up and not to hot or cold I was diving for merchandise and glaring at anybody who dare look at me! Needless to say we made it home from a trip that should have taken 45 minutes about 3 hours later with the confirmation I'M NOT READY TO LEAVE MY HOUSE YET! :)

Disclaimer: I love my kids and am happy I have them! :)

Sweet Baby Girl!

2008-12-22T17:12:00.000-08:00

Cambri Christine (named after her amazing grandma who handed her to me that morning) was born 2 weeks early, last Wednesday December 17th at 7:01 am. She weighed 6 lbs and is 19.5 inches long. And I must say she is gorgeous. She has tons of dark black hair, I have no idea where it came from but it is beautiful and I am already having so much fun with bows! She is perfectly healthy. So far she's an angel during the day and not so much at night...but I am holding out that she just has her days and nights mixed up and that will get better soon! I am working on recovering and can't wait to feel normal again. Having babies isn't for sissies that's for sure.

Carter has been amazing with Cambri. He give her kisses and always wants her to have her binkie just like him.

This is the horrible snow storm we drove home from the hospital in on Friday afternoon. It took us an hour and a half at least to get home.

Daddy and baby sleeping in hospital.

Cambri's first kiss from big brother!

First family photo.

Jenny was amazing. My mom plays such a huge role when we have babies and this was my first baby without her by my side. I know she was there but it just isn't the same. I was terrified to have this baby without her. Jenny had been sick that day and she still got up and came to the hospital at 230 am and stayed with me the entire time. She was everything I needed! Jenny thank you so much I can't express my love and gratitude for you on that amazing and emotional and difficult night! I love you!

Jason was amazing too. He stayed by my side while I labored for 2 awful hours at home. He kept telling me how proud he was of me and completley took care of me! Thanks Jason! I love you!

Happy Birthday Mom

2008-11-24T09:31:00.000-08:00

This is the day the world was blessed with you. Happy Birthday mom. I love you so much. It's hard not to think about what today could be if you were here. What would I get you...where would we go for lunch...how would we celebrate...what a great day it would be. But instead I am just full of tears wishing you were here so I could tell you how much you mean to me and how much I miss you and how our family is just not surviving without you. I know you are happy and that's all I care about. Perhaps one day this day will bring me happiness again but for now all I can do is miss you and wish you were here with me. I love you mom and wish you the happiest birthday ever.

Love
Shanny

Wooops

2008-11-21T19:50:00.000-08:00

Guess I shouldn't have gone on splash mountain not only once but twice, I'm such an idiot...I'm now on bedrest for the next 3 weeks tryin to keep baby number 2 from coming! "Word to the not so wise... stay clear of disneyland when pregnant and when you are pregnant actually act like you are pregnant!" Lesson learned. :)

Celebration

2008-11-18T22:53:00.000-08:00

We had to celebrate Casey's arrival home, plus he made it very clear he wanted a vacation to make up for any vacations we had gone on without him. So a week after he got home we took off on our trip to California. We spent the first day in Disneyland and then headed down to Indio to stay at this beautiful resort. It was a lot of fun to be with our family and to have Casey there! (Did I mention it was a kid free vacation!) Yipee! So here are lots of pictures of our trip!

Jungle Safari...I safe ride for me.

This is Jason trying to successfully take a picture of himself with the safari animals in the background...impressive huh?!

We ate at the Blue Bayou...way to expensive and elite for my taste...my salad came out looking like a head of lettuce...Joe had to cut it up for me so it looked like a real salad!

Tryin to fatten little missionary boy up!

We ate so much and felt so sick afterwards!!

Yep got pushed around Disneyland all day in a wheelchair...so embarassing! Good thing though cause the next day I almost went into labor...my family made me go on Splash Mountain twice!! I think they forgot I am 8 months pregnant! However, fortunatley for me I am still with child...yeah for me! :(

Nearing the end...Jenny's reaching her witching hour (for those of you who know her you know exactly what I am talking about! ha ha

Everything was decorated all christmasy...it was way fun to see it look different that usual. Made me excited for christmas.

Jason claiming to see a shooting star...of course there are shooting stars, You're in Disneyland, the happiest place on earth!

...Lounging...

2008-11-18T22:39:00.001-08:00

Me being pushed around some more on whatever rolling device we could find...in this case a luggage cart.

At our resort playing ping pong....another favorite of Jason's.

This is me trying to pick the ball off the floor with my foot so I wouldn't have to get my fat self down and back up again...I was unsuccessful.

Casey and I made a fantastic team!...we lost, 2 against 1.

Poolside...it was amazing to be out at the pool in the middle of November, great weather.

A Tennis Family

2008-11-18T22:22:00.001-08:00

For any of you who don't know Jason he is a HUGE tennis fanatic. He absolutely loves it. We went to this worldwide known tennis stadium where they hold a huge tournament every year. Jason was like a little kid in a candy store. It was his Disneyland.

So instead of buying "disneyland" memorabilia for example we bought "tennis" memorabilia. See our fabulous visors! Jason also bought me this cute little tennis outfit in his continuous efforts to make me a tennis player! (I hope to be "little" again so I can fit into this "little" tennis outfit. :)

Still can't believe Casey was actually there with us! I kept looking at him saying are you really here! Watch out ladies, Isn't he cute!

Go JennY!

Jai couldn't contain his excitement'

Casey is HOME!

2008-11-18T22:09:00.000-08:00

What an amazing reunion! I didn't expect to feel so much more complete as a family with Casey home...but I do. It feels so much better to have him back. Half of our family was suddenly gone and now we have a big piece of it back. We will never be complete without our beautiful mom but it sure does help to have Casey back and his spiritual presence! He's one amazing kid!

Carter was so cute holding up our sign! We all screamed when we saw him coming down the escalator! I was really struggling before he got home and he has taught me a lot in a matter of two weeks! He has been an answer to many of my prayers. He is years beyond me and will do great things in his life! Proud to be his sister.

Halloween Winner!

2008-11-18T20:19:00.000-08:00

Isn't he awesome! He was the cutest little batman I've ever seen. This is him jumping off the window seal onto a slacker sac like 5 ft. down! He really took on the whole batman character that night! He is the sweetest little boy ever! We had a such a great halloween!

And...

2008-11-18T20:11:00.001-08:00

Our sweet little batman! I didn't know you could feel so much joy from dressing up your child and walking door to door for candy! It was the greatest.

Can't leave out my awesome costume...I was a MUMMY!! Get it...Mommy, pregnant, mummy! I was quite proud of my creativity!

More Halloween

2008-11-18T20:01:00.000-08:00

We went to Gardner Village the day before Halloween...so much fun.

Carter's first trunk or treat. He was so cute. He couldn't believe people were just handing him candy. He loved it, I loved it.

Jason and I went to a haunted house with my sisters and friends. It was great. I live for haunted houses!

I took Carter with all of his cousins to Thanksgiving Point for the Scarecrow Festival, tons of fun. Halloween is the best holiday.

Carving Pumpkins

2008-11-18T19:47:00.001-08:00

"eeewwww"

Yep that's right believe it...Jason whipped out the rubber gloves so he wouldn't have to touch the ucky gooey guts..

I thought I was doing a fine job carving our face...but apparently Jason had a better idea.

Yep that's right he whipped out his power saw...!!!

Finished product...it was our first carved pumpkin...we were very impressed with ourselves and Carter loved it.

HELP...What should we be for Halloween?!

2008-10-28T12:28:00.001-07:00

We could be BATMAN!!

We could be a SPIDER!!

Or we could be FROG!!

Carter is 2!!

2008-10-27T16:09:00.001-07:00

It was Carter's 2 year old birthday Saturday! I can't believe he is 2. Now Jason calls him 2 year old instead of Carter. He's getting to be such a big boy. I go in and look at him at night and just stare at him in awe of how big he is getting and how lucky I am to have him. I love him more than anything! He brings me true happiness at a time in my life where its hard to find.

Carter's Big Birthday Bash

2008-10-27T15:58:00.001-07:00

We had a jungle theme for his birthday this year. He loves animals and with his jungle room I thought it suited well for him this year. Lots of family and friends came to celebrate with us and Carter got so many presents. He hasn't stopped playing with all his new toys since he opened them. We had so much fun. His favorite thing lately is cars, balls, horses, and cows. And he got lots of them for his birthday! Happy Birthday Carter we love you! Here are some pictures from the big event!

Our good friend Angie made us this awesome monkey cake and cupcakes! Thank you Angie!

This is Carter being mad cause mommy won't let him eat the cake and cupcakes yet!

They were so pretty how could we eat them.

Carter got so into opening his presents. It was so fun to watch him. However, he didn't understand why he kept on having to open more when all he wanted to do was play with one of them!

He got so embarrased when everyone was singing happy birthday to him...it was so cute! But when he got to blow out the candle he was all over that so Jason kept relighting it and he kept blowing it out and everyone kept clapping for him, over and over again!

More...

2008-10-27T15:45:00.000-07:00

"I just don't get why I have to sit by these yummy cupcakes but I can't touch them! Arrrr"

"I have the best mommy ever" :) :)

"Jump on Brylie, I'll show ya how a 2 year old rides a horsie"

"I have the best daddy ever" :) :)

"SPENT...Let's end the night with a little yogurt in my new glow in the dark jungle jammies, I promise I will try not to throw up all my cake this year"

Casey is Coming HOME!!

2008-10-27T14:55:00.000-07:00

My fabulous little brother is coming home in one week!! One week! It feels like he has been gone forever and like he would never come back. We lost half of our family all at once and it felt like that was how it was going to be from now on. But we are getting a huge part of our family back! He comes home from serving his mission in Little Rock, Arkansas next Tuesday! It will be so nice to have his amazing spirit and infectious laugh back in our presence. One day our entire family will be reunited, and what a great day that will be.

My sister wrote a post listing 10 of her favorite things about Casey...I decided to do the same:
1. His contagious laugh
2. His easy going spirit
3. His peacemaking ability
4. He is always up for anything
5. Going to lunch and movies, his forte'
6. His understanding
7. His compassion and sensitivity (he will make a perfect husband someday, being raised with so many girls)
8. His sense of humor is irreplaceable
9. Care and concern for others
10. Everything!!

His homecoming is Sunday November 9th for any of you in St. George! Love you Casey! Can't wait to see you!

Pregnant...and glowing...or at least trying to...

2008-10-13T19:52:00.000-07:00

A good friend of my sisters is a fantastic photographer. She asked if she could do some maternity pictures with me. To be honest I don't think I was particularly looking forward to having any pictures taken of me in this condition. Fat and ugly. She did such a great job. I think I will really be grateful I have them. Anyway, here are some of them.

Sweet Scent

2008-10-13T14:22:00.001-07:00

This weekend I finished the baby's room. As I was clearing out the closet I realized I needed to move the boxes that store all of my mom's clothes. As I picked up each box one by one and moved them to a different room I couldn't believe what I was doing. You never think that one day you will have every article of clothing and every possesion of someone you love in boxes, someone that should be here with you...someone who never should have left...Someone you no longer get to be with...You find yourself doing things you shouldn't be having to do.... All of their things...what happens to all of their things...I sat down and opened a couple boxes and buried my tears in the clothes, and there she was...her smell. Her sweet perfect smell. The smell I would smell as I layed on her lap (even at age 25), the smell of her perfume, just the smell of her existence. Grieving is a thing that I don't understand. It comes in waves. For awhile you are fine. You can talk about them, You can look at pictures, You can think about them without losing it. Then all of a sudden a wave comes crashing down and it feels like you just found out she's gone. How could it have happened this way? How did my life end up in this place? But then the wave passes again and it seems almost bearable. I wonder if the waves will ever stop...

SYTYCD

2008-09-30T20:26:00.001-07:00

Last week my sisters and I went to SYTUCD! It was amazing! This show makes me so happy. It's my thing. I watch it every year...I was on buying tickets the second the ticket lines opened! It was amazing. Last year I flew to Phoenix to go to it and it was even better this year. I used to watch it and then call my mom and we would talk about all the amazing dances. I would give anything to have had her there with me. Every dance I thought to myself "mom would have loved that one". It was a bitter sweet night. Dance makes me feel a joy I cannot explain and at the same time causes a streak of pain. Thanks Tara and Jenny for going with me and making it such a great experience!

2008-09-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

Everyone was so amazing! Makes me want to do it so bad!

Jenny was the best and got all excited with me. She even bought the crazy expensive fan memorabilia with me! Seriously those leg warmers are sweet! I'm sure I will find a ton of places to actually wear them.... ha!

2008-09-30T20:13:00.000-07:00

I love my sisters! I honestly don't know what I would do without them.

Courtney and Mark....I loved this dance!

Thayne Jasperson...seriously can't believe this kid came out of Evanston! He's amazing!

Incredible! Joshua makes me want to...well nevermind he's just really HOT when he dances. HE HE HE!!! I'm glad he won, he deserved it.

Greatest Place on Earth!

2008-09-30T19:48:00.001-07:00

Heaven on earth...also known as Lake Powell. We just got back from a fabulous boating trip to Lake Powell this last weekend. It was wonderful! Nothing makes Jason and I happier than being out on the lake. It's a place I feel happiness and peace with no worries and cares. Any lake makes us happy but once you have been to Lake Powell there's just no where else like it. This was Jason's first time there and he absolutely loved it. I have been trying to talk him into going since we got married, 5 years now. I knew once he went he would be hooked and sure enough it will now be at least a yearly tradition for us. It was so fun to see the absolute pure joy radiating from him! Ya know it's not necessarily the dream vacation for a 7 month, fat, pregnant girl with a 2 year old!...but I would do it 10 months pregnant with 5 kids to see the smile on Jason's face. Carter did great and I had a good time. And I have to say that I was still out there on the wakeboard chubby, pregnant and all...call me stupid but I just couldn't resist. Anyway, we had a great time and went with some great friends. Thanks Steve and Chelsea!!

2008-09-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

Jason has gotten so good at wakeboarding this summer.

Yep that is me! 7 months pregnant! Go me! Please ignore my fattness!

Happy as Pie!

This is Steve wakeboarding with his 3 year old son between his legs! Crazy! Way to go Connor!

2008-09-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

Carter's favorite thing to do was drive the boat. It's in his genes!

I'm still fishing sand out of nooks and crannys!!

Something about being out on the lake makes Jason so HOT! :)

Carter was my permanent attachment...however he's not a cuddler and he always cuddles with me when we go boating. I love it.

This cliff looked a whole lot higher in person... It was hard to refrain myself from cliff jumping too, but I decided that would be just plain stupid!...like wakeboarding wasn't...next year!!

Beautiful View

2008-09-16T22:34:00.000-07:00

We took this from our front porch the other night. It was gorgeous. We have such a beautiful view of the lake and mountains! Carter has just discovered what the moon is and we talk about it all day and all night! :)

LAGOON STRIKES AGAIN

2008-08-25T13:45:00.000-07:00

Just thought I would briefly mention our first family outting to Lagoon this last weekend. Perhaps some of you will learn from my HUGE mistake. Saturday morning some friends of our gave us free lagoon tickets. How can you pass up free right?....I now know that you should actually PAY someone to not let you take an almost 2 year old to Lagoon. :) It was pretty awful. Let me just lay it out. There were a billion million people there. We had to wait in line to get into Laguna Beach! When we finally got in and got all changed and rented our tube and got into the water...Carter freaked!! He hated it. Wouldn't even touch the water. He had not had a nap yet which made things worse. But hey its Lagoon who needs a nap! Disaster...so 10 minutes later we packed up and ditched laguna beach. We tried to go on a few rides but ended up leaving because the lines were so ginormous and a look of terror came over Carter's face everytime we got close to a ride. I talked Jason into trying at least the sky ride! No harm right. Jason was terried of Carter falling through the bottom of the chair but I assured him we would all be fine. We got to the very top of the ride and it stopped for I swear what seemed like forever. Carter then began to sign to us "ALL DONE"! We were like no no Carter you can't be "all done" when you are 300 feet suspended above ground. We made it out in one piece with vice grips on Carter and all the color drained from our faces. We did make it onto the little train which rode past a bunch of empty cages. Yahoo. It was now 7 and Carter along with Jason and I were done for. We ran over to Pioneer Park to get some dinner where Carter zonked out in my arms. So to sum it up we drove all the way to Lagoon to sit on the grass, walk in and out of Laguna Beach, be terrifed on the sky ride and experience an empty train ride...Note to self never take an almost 2 year old to Lagoon. :)

Best Eater Ever!

2008-08-25T13:41:00.000-07:00

Carter is honestly the best eater! He always eats as much as me or more and often out eats Jason too! We have found a new passion for him. He ate all these slices of watermelon in one sitting....

BIG BOY BED!

2008-08-25T13:29:00.000-07:00

I have been dreading putting Carter into a big boy bed for about 6 months now. I could not imagine how on earth he would stay in a bed he could climb out of! I thought for sure when we made the change that would be the end of our good sleeping habits and fabulous naps forever! I will need the crib when the baby comes and I wanted to do it before so that Carter has plenty of time to get used to the change before we bring a newborn baby into the scenerio...not to mention he is climbing out of his crib onto his dresser and getting books off his bookshelf!...Finally we decided our luck was running out and if we didn't convert his crib into a toddler bed we'd be sorry when he took a nose dive off his dresser and we ended up in the ER or something! So we did it! To my utter astonishment Carter has done FABULOUS! From day one he goes straight to bed stays there and when he wakes up he climbs out and walks out his door. Its adorable! Success at the Kidman Home! Hopefully we will have the same success when we take the crib out completely and put him in a real big boy bed! ...coming soon...

IT'S A GIRL!!!

2008-08-11T15:47:00.000-07:00

Last week I had my ultrasound. I was scared half to death. So many things can go wrong. And of course I have been hyperalert of all these defects and paid special attention to the one in a million cases of rare deformaties and such. Anyway, I moved my appt. up like 4 times cause I just couldn't stand it anymore. I was lucky enough to have Jason and my grandma there with me. It was amazing. I forget just how miraculous it is. The baby's legs were crossed so the nurse couldn't determine what the sex was and I had drank so much water I was in tears. See this is why someone else should actually be pregnant and birth the baby...I can't even get the ultrasound without wanting to die from the pain! :) Anyway, out of the blue she said "It's a girl" and I let out this huge YELP! It was one of the most exciting moments of my life. It is one of the very few times in the past 2 years I have felt true happiness. You will all be happy to hear that I am finally excited for this little girl to join our family!...

Speaking with Angels

2008-07-14T22:39:00.000-07:00

I have to admit this second year has been so much harder than the first. I don't understand why and if I knew it was going to be harder this year I don't know that I could have held on. I have not been able to bring myself to read or look at many things of or from my mom. It is just to hard I guess. It takes me to a painful place that I guess I would rather run away from. Yesterday I decided to check my mom's email. I do this every few months. I guess in some strange mental state I don't want her email to go away. I don't know why...call me crazy...it probably means I am not accepting what has happened but none the less I got into my wonderful mom's email. As I was going through her email and cleaning things up I went into her Sent Messages folder. There was an email entitled Sending my Love...I knew it was to me...I had seen it there before but had not been strong enough to open this email and read it. For some reason without thinking I clicked on it and opened it. I was talking to my sister Jenny on the phone at the time and she gave me some encouragement and said I could do it, I was strong. So I started reading....I want to share this incredible email with you. These few sentences straight from my mom to me have so much meaning on so many different levels. I know with all of my heart these words were coming from her right at that moment at a time I needed to hear them, straight from Heaven.

" Hi my baby girl,
I am going to go to bed now, but I wanted to tell you that I am thinking of you tonight and have asked Heavenly Father to be with you tonight to comfort you and wrap his arms around you as you sleep a beautiful peaceful sleep. He knows what you are feeling and He will be there for you now because He loves you so much and He knows you need Him. Your baby is waiting to come to you - it is hard to be patient-but while we wait we are that much more prepared and grateful when the time comes. It will be soon, I promise you. You are doing fine and everything is going to be alright. I am proud of you and the strong woman you are.
I am sending you my love tonight- I hope you can feel it.
Mom "
I cannot even look at these words without breaking into tears. I know with every fiber of my being she is talking to me from Heaven with these very words and telling me that everything is going to be alright. And I need to be patient because I will be with her again soon. Since the moment she left I have longed to hear her say those exact words to me. That I am doing fine and everything is going to be alright, and that she is proud of me. It penetrates my soul and I know in my very heart that she is speaking to me. That was the one email in her sent messages...but I never received it. Its incredible how we are helped through ways we could only dream of. I wish I could have more experiences like this. I wish I could see her. I wish I could talk to her. I wish I could wrap my arms around her and tell her how much I love her. But I am grateful for those experiences I am able to have and I will patiently wait for that day when I get to do all those things. Like she said as I wait I will be that much more prepared and grateful when the time comes. She has told me and so I will do it. My nephew Nicky the other day said "let's just go pick grandma Chris up in Heaven" so until that day when I can go pick you up in Heaven mom... I love you more than words can express!

Yes I Am...

2008-07-14T22:33:00.000-07:00

PREGNANT! As some of you are aware. I still can't believe it. I mean how can you get pregnant if you don't plan it. Guess I need to go back to Health Class. Well I am pregnant. I was mortified when I took that test and saw that plus sign. I was not ready to be pregnant again. Some people can do it but I just was not ready. I mean Carter just began to sleep through the night like a month ago!!! Hello... don't I get a break here. I cried for a few days but after I wrapped my brain around it I accepted it. I mean that is one thing you can't do anything about. It has been a rather rough pregnancy. I was particularly sick at the beginning which I do not remember the first time around. Perhaps I just blocked it out. And no doubt I am an emotional basket case! And I am not exaggerating at all on that one. On a mental and emotional and grieving level I was not ready to be pregnant and deal with the horomones and challenges of pregnancy plus my existing issues. However, saying all of that I am grateful. I feel like I don't deserve another Angel from heaven but I am grateful. I know how hard it is to get a baby sometimes, so I will be happy, terrified but happy.

I am close to the half way mark. We will find out what we are having in a few weeks. I will be happy with whatever I am given...I mean you have no choice in the matter. With that said, I would like a girl cause if I have a boy it will have to be nameless because I have not a clue what I would name another boy. One was all I could come up with I guess. :) Oh and here is the note I left for Jason the night I took the pregnancy test. I think it is hilarious now, however at the time not so funny!!!

So Maybe We're Not the Cleanest of Eaters...but at least we Eat!

2008-07-14T22:25:00.000-07:00

NEW ROOM

2008-07-14T17:24:00.000-07:00

Carter got a new room! We turned it into this magnificent jungle! Thanks to our good friends Lindsay and Dallin, I unfortunately can't take much credit for it. Lindsay is amazing if any of you need ideas. Anyway, here is his new jungle room.

Monkey Boy

2008-07-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

Carter is the biggest monkey I have ever known! He climbs on, over, under, around....everything insight. The more challenging the better. Jason and I were painting his room a bit ago and he found it very fun and challenging to climb up the, mind you huge, ladder we were using. Very Dangerous. Well that apparently got boring because then he started climbing the ladder with his eyes closed. Seriously, what have I created! I love him! So fittingly so, we bought him these hanging ropes that hang from his ceiling. He loves them. We've had a few face plants but for the most part just lots of fun!

YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT

2008-07-14T17:14:00.001-07:00

So a couple weeks ago I had had a hard day and by 900 I was ready to throw in the towel. So I asked my wonderful husband to get Carter ready for bed. This task is not terribly difficult and involves giving Carter a snack, usually yogurt, putting jammies on and putting him in his bed. Three very simple steps to the process if you ask me. I was upstairs trying to be an adult for a minute instead of a mom covered in food, sweat, and ya know all those other wonderful things that come with the "mom". Well I heard Jason and Carter downstairs laughing and by this time he should have had him all ready and almost in bed...and mind you I really wanted Carter to get to bed early!....I went downstairs to see what the raucus was and low and behold there is my son covered from head to toe in yogurt... I am not kidding there was not an inch of him that was not drowning in yogurt. I could not believe it. Any other day, but I really asked Jason to be efficient and get Carter to bed. I hope these pictures do this disaster justice! Sometimes its better to DO IT YOURSELF! :) :) :)

Check out my Slide Show!

2008-04-25T15:17:00.001-07:00

Fun in the Tub with my Cousins!

2008-04-25T14:57:00.000-07:00

New Adventure

2008-03-28T22:09:00.000-07:00

I would like to let everyone know I have started a business with a great friend of mine, Amber Rausch. It is called Forever Christine Tutus! It is in honor and memory of my mom! How perfect is that. We make custom tutus for all your little princesses! It is so much fun. It has been so therapeutic for me. Everyday I get to see my mom's name. Everytime I make a tutu I think of her. I get to talk about her and share my her legacy with strangers. I know she would be amazed and so proud. My mom danced her whole life and taught me everything I know. Dance is one thing that has connected us through the eternities. This is her logo she drew many many years ago for all the dance adventure she embarked on. Now it is our logo! A few months ago I also got this logo tatooed on my ankle. Might sound silly but it has special meaning to me that I can't explain. I know my mom would laugh (and forgive me for doing it.) I couldn't be happier with it though.

So for those of you with little girls....you know who you are....yes I am talking to you! You need a Christine tutu! Something to give to your daughter and send you a reminder of how miraculous a relationship is between mother and daughter. We are just getting up and started. We are doing tutu parties, so if any of you would be willing to host a party (you get a free tutu) let me know. Or if you just want to order a tutu let me know and I will give you all the details. Those of you who live out of state....are not off the hook I will ship it to you! Love you all. Thanks for your support in my healing! Love Shannon

One Year

2008-03-28T22:01:00.000-07:00

It has been one year since my mom left us. I want to pay tribute to my family for surviving the last year. It has been a hard one and I think the years to come will continue to be hard for awhile. We have survived and I know my mom is very proud of us. I miss her so much and I can't even let my mind remember that I have not seen or talked to my mom in over a year. How could that be? How are we supposed to be okay with that. How can I go from talking and being with her everyday to not at all.

Recently, a little 13 year old girl in our Sunday School class at church passed away. Randi Jo. What a sweet, precious girl she was. As I attended all of the events and offered my support to her family I reflected on my experience of losing my mom. It's easy to try to avoid those feelings. I feel if I don't open the wound then it won't hurt so bad. The busier I stay, the less it hurts. But sometimes the wound is forced to be opened and felt, which is an important part in healing. Everytime I look at a picture of her it makes me smile! She is amazing. I long for the day when I get to be with her again! I love you mom.

Thank you to all of you who supported me this last year. And especially to those who didn't stop calling, or emailing, or sending me special things to help me through. A special thanks to Ashley for the beautiful flowers sent on the year anniversary. It all helps me so much

The Good Times

2008-03-28T21:57:00.000-07:00

This picture is so special to me. After I graduated from the University of Utah I went to my parents house for a week to celebrate! They spoiled me just like they used to. It was so much fun. This particular night they took me to a play at Tuachan. Halfway through the show it started to downpour! By the time we made it back to the car we were soaked head to toe. It was so much fun. My mom and I were laughing so hard! My mom was so much fun. We had such a blast together. The best times I can remember in my life were the times spent laughing hysterically with my mom! I love and miss her so much.

One Word Blog Tag

2008-03-28T20:44:00.000-07:00

you're feeling: lonely (Jason is gone tonight)
to your left: my cell phone
on your mind: Sleep
last meal included: yogurt
you sometimes find it hard to: find happiness
the weather: cold and windy
something you have a collection of: my mom's art
a smell that cheers you up: summer rain
a smell that ruins your mood: onions or B.O.
how long since you last shaved: 5 days ago....yikes!
the current state of your hair: awful, needs to be done, luckily I have an appt next week!
the largest item on your desk right now (not computer): a stack of bills!
your skill with chopsticks: non existent
which section you head to first in the bookstore: non-fiction
... and after that? children's
something you're craving: sleep...I obviously don't get enough of it
your general thoughts on the presidential race: Confused
how many times have you been to the hospital this year: none thank goodness
a favorite place to go for quiet time: my bedroom, cemetery
you've always secretly thought you'd be good: teaching, and being a mom (until I actually became one)
something that freaks you out a little: everything and nothing at the same time (does that make any sense)
something you've eaten too much of lately: I don't eat much these days
you have never: been out of the country
you never want to: lose my family
Those were hard to keep to one word!! ... I tag Jenny, Alix, and Austin :)

Saying Goodbye

2008-03-15T14:13:00.000-07:00

Tootaloo to our bedroom
When we finished our basement I put my handprints on the floor' I'll forever be there'

Me and Carter being sad'
Time to move on (notice the banisters also painted by me)Good bye Kitchen that I painted' (notice where the fridge was) I'm such an excellent painter! he he
Jason couldn't be happier to get out!
Carter's room' (Also painted with my own bare hands)

Our New Home

2008-03-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

So as some of you already know we have moved. Yes the state finally kicked us out of our house and we moved! Everything actually went very well. UTA treated us great and gave us a great value for our home...more than we could have gotten selling it on our own for sure. It has been a blessing. The spec home that we built did not sell and we decided the best thing to do was to move into it. So here we are! We live in Saratoga Springs in a beautiful home. Things are going really well. We are actually really starting to like it here. The house is feeling like our home now with furniture and pictures on the walls. I feel so much better being out of boxes and knowing where I am! Ever since we got that letter in the mail saying they were taking our house things have been in complete disarray. It was a bit sad leaving our first home but it was a good move and we are doing good!

Trying to Move On

2008-01-31T13:10:00.001-08:00

Moving on. Two words that are the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. It is a hard time of year right now for me and my family. A year ago my mom was here with me. She was at my house. We went to lunch together and talked for hours in my car. What a wonderful moment that was. How I cherish every second of it. I have a text message from her on my phone from exactly a year ago February 1st. I read it often and can't believe she is not here with me. How can I move on? If I move on will I forget her? It is so painful to think of her and her not being here. How could she leave me? How could she leave my dad? How could Heavenly Father take her? I don't understand. So many questions and answers I long to know. I wish I could just be with her even for a moment. Wherever that perfect place is. I wonder what she is doing? Is she truly happy? How could she be happy without her family? I wonder if she remembers how much she loved me? I wonder what it would have been like to have her here to watch Carter grow. He was only 4 months old when she left. Would she laugh at the things he is doing? What would it be like to watch her love him. When she was here she gave everything of herself. And I am so grateful for everything she did and sacrificed for me. Sometimes I wish she wouldn't have been so perfect and maybe she would still be here. My amazing dad is getting married in a week. I know if he had a choice he would give anything to have his life back with his wife that he loved so dearly! I will forever look up to the relationship my parents shared. As they progressed through life their marriage became perfected and I was able to witness a love between my parents I never could have imagined. What a blessing. I am proud of my dad for picking up the pieces of his devastated life and trying to put them back together the best way he knows how. He has turned to the Lord for help and I couldn't be more proud of him. I know and hope the hole in my heart will heal. That my family will be able to move on and understand the answers to our questions.

More Christmas!!

2008-01-03T11:53:00.000-08:00

To many toys!
Lost in the mess! Where's Waldo? Where's Carter?
This was Carter's favorite present...I mean this was Jason's favorite present!
Ben was the creepiest Santa I've ever seen!

Carter's first real christmas

2008-01-03T11:44:00.000-08:00

This was Christmas Eve! Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen!
Carter got a stocking full of hot wheels! He loved them!
Ridin the presents!

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T19:32:00.000-08:00

We actually stayed up till midnight!

Carter stayed up with us!

We had a great party at Tara's house for New Years. Carter stayed up for his first New Year's celebration!

Carter hated Santa!

2008-01-02T19:28:00.000-08:00

I dont know if you can see Carter's face in this picture...but he was screaming like I have never seen him scream! He hated Santa! I thought he'd look at him strangely but I didn't think he would be terrified of Santa Clause!

CHRISTMAS

2008-01-02T19:12:00.000-08:00

As I am sure all of you can imagine, Christmas and all the holidays were very hard this year. I know they will be for the rest of our lives, having to have them without our mom who was the center of our family. I am so proud of my entire family for getting through them this year. That is the only thing we expected of eachother was to get through it. And we did. I know I have said this before but I have learned so much about my family and they are the most amazing people I know. If you told me we would have to endure a tragedy, like the loss of our mother from this life, I would have told you we would become depressed people who could only manage to stare at the wall. But we are hanging on and enduring and living. I can't even begin to think of the right words to describe how amazing my little brother Casey is. He is serving on a mission right now and while he is out there in the mission field without any of his family or friends and enduring this entire event while being there he is the one that is giving us hope and strenthening our faith. He reminds us to be happy. He is incredible. It is all due to my wonderful parents and especially my mom for all she has taught us. They taught us to be happy! There are so many ups and downs but we are finding the ways to keep living even if at times we no longer want to. We keep eachother afloat. Anyway we made it through Christmas this year and survived. I know my mom is proud of us. I love you mom!

Carter for Halloween

2008-01-02T19:07:00.000-08:00

Carter was the cutest little giraffe there ever was! Our neighbor had a haunted house in his garage...right after the picture was taken Carter started to scream! I don't blame him!

The House Update

2008-01-02T18:36:00.000-08:00

It has been awhile since I have updated anything. I guess getting through the holidays was all I could muster out of myself. Just thought I would give an update on our whole house disaster situation. It actually has been a blessing. The Trax has treated us very well and taken good care of us so far. They are giving us a good amount for our home (more than we could ever think about selling it for in this market) So that is great, plus additional relocation benefits.

We were a little concerned about being able to sell this house when the time came, due to the train tracks being so close, so it is nice to not have that to worry about, even if we weren't quite ready to move yet. We are closing on our house in a couple days. We have been looking at homes for a long time now and have found some promising ones. I have prospects taped up all over my office. But for the moment we have put house hunting on hold....BECAUSE for the past year we have been building a spec home in Saratoga Springs planning on putting it on the market and making money on it by selling it. Well the market has taken quite a turn since and our odds aren't looking so promising on actually getting the spec home sold. It is a beautiful home. I mean BEAUTIFUL! 1/2 million dollar home but the area is overdeveloped right now and just growing to fast. Anyway what I am getting to is if we don't sell this spec home by April we plan to move into it. Ahhh! Yes scary...the house is wonderful like I said but we are hoping to just sell it and be able to buy a home in the valley. Jason and I are not good travelers, so commuting isn't the best plan for us...not to mention we aren't in the situation to afford that kind of a house....so if that ends up happening I will take donations of FOOD! :) :0 ;) So anyhow that is the update with that. Trax is allowing us to rent our house back until April. So we are stuck here until then. I love this house but I am in moving mode so I am ready to get going wherever we are headed. I have lost the desire to maintain my house and clean it and stuff...which is not like me and not a good thing! Its driving me crazy. I feel very disorganized. I know it will work out how it is supposed to. Everything has happened to perfectly for all of this to be a coincidence, I believe we are meant to be somewhere else! :) Stay tuned to see where the Kidman's end up...and hopefully its not homeless! he he

Big Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

2007-11-06T19:57:00.000-08:00

This last weekend we took a girls weekend down to St. George. It was just what the doctor ordered for each and every one of us. We stayed at my dad's house and drug all the mattresses out into the living room just like we did when we were twelve. It was fantastic! We laughed and cried...and cried and laughed some more. We spend hours reading our Vampire books (which are just incredible and none of us can keep from becoming obsessed with these books) Anyway it was such a great weekend. We intend to do it at least twice a year or if it is up to be once a month!

F~R~I~E~N~D~S

2007-11-06T19:46:00.000-08:00

Good friends are hard to come by but fabulous friends are sometimes just around the corner! I am so grateful for my sisters Tara and Jenny and those I consider sisters Britta and Leigh-Anne. Sometimes it's hard to recognize the blessings in our lives. The blessing of the people that are placed in my life I have no trouble realizing it was my Heavenly Father and my precious mother who put them there. I believe with everything in me that my mom was taken at this time but she put some amazing people to help me get through these unbearable times and make them more bearable. I will never be able to express my gratitude for these girls in my life. Thank you!

HALLOWEEN

2007-11-06T19:37:00.001-08:00

So we held our first annual Halloween party this year. We had a great time. It was so much fun.
Just in case you can't tell what I am dressed up as...I decided to express my inner beauty and be the "queen of dark and dreary"! Ya know let my inner self shine through! :) :) :) And Jason dressed up as "JASON" Aren't we creative.
We had such a fantastic time! What wonderful friends and family we have.