Friday, October 9, 2009

Boxes

A few weeks ago my siblings and I decided it was time to go through the boxes of my mom's clothes. I have kept the boxes so safe. I wanted to make sure nothing happened to them and the smells were kept and anything else I could hold onto. I didn't want anything to go away. This task is something I knew I would have to do but dreaded the day we would actually sit down and do it. I prepared myself all day. I know this sounds strange but I had to take some time to sit down and grieve by myself, let go of those boxes, let go of the responsibility and control, and be okay with it.

Tara, Jenny, Casey and I sat down surrounded by these simple boxes holding simply clothing....but as we went slowly through every article of clothing there came tears, hysterical laughs, more tears, special memories, simple memories, more laughs and yet more tears. It was another release, another small step forward, another grasp of acceptance, and another reality of heartache.

We were all filled with love and understanding for each other. Respecting each others pain and memories. We get it, we get what the other is missing, loving, and losing. Shirts that reminded us of special events and ordinary events. The dress my mom wore at my wedding. The jacket she wore when she held my son for the first time. The shirt she would wear when she held my son for the last time. Those clothes she wore that reminded us of her sickness. The many many dance and work out clothes that defined so much of who my mom is and on and on until there were no tears or laughter left.

It was nice to spend that time together as siblings. To remember, to grieve, to cry, and to laugh. Mom would have been proud of us for doing an unthinkable task. So much of the time we spend trying to forget the pain, trying to pretend its not real, covering the heartache with something...anything. Sometimes it is necessary to face it straight on and maybe try to accept another piece of it.

Starting tomorrow, each of us will begin making our own blankets out of the clothes that carry so much meaning. (thank you Barb so much for your help with that) I think it will be another small step forward. Perhaps eventually these small steps will take us to higher ground and happier times.











9 comments:

Casey said...

That's special Shanny.. Very Special.

Jen said...

What a special moment for your family. My aunt is making blankets out of my grandpa's clothes too. I think its a wonderful idea to have something so special to comfort you whenever you need. She is proud of all of you and to keep her memory so sacred! Thanks for sharing!

marni said...

Shannon my heart aches for you guys. However you looked "at peace" with those boxes. You are so strong and amazing.I can't wait to see what the quilt looks like., maybee we should make curtains:) Luv ya.

The Oldroyd's said...

Thanks for sharing. That is very sweet and I know it really is a big step for you guys. What a great idea to make blankets. Than you can always have those memories close and keep you warm.

Crystal said...

Shannon you are amazingly strong. The blankets is a wonderful idea keep being who you are!!!

Mollie said...

Shannon, I can't even imagine how difficult going through your mom's clothes must have been. I can't wait to see the quilt, I'm sure it will be wonderful! I only wish I were talented enough to help you make it.

Ashlee said...

Wow what an awesome thing to share. I am such a wimp, I am crying right now. You are such a strong person. Also, you guys look so happy together, that's cool you're so close.

Poohbear said...

so hard, I never would have imagined we would have to do this. I am proud of us for all the hard things we have been through and for moving forward. I know mom is proud. Love you.

ashlan said...

I can't wait to see the finished product. You will love it, having that blanket will be the best place for those memories not stored it those boxes.