Parties and Trick or treating!

I absolutely love halloween!

CARVING PUMPKINS

COSTUMES

Cambri was the cutest witch you've ever seen! And Carter was the cutest vampire! Jason...not so much~~!

PUMPKIN PICKIN'

Making up lost time...Halloween!

Fun at Thanksgiving Point'

Happy Birthday Mom

Another day I dread. I hate to say that because it is my mom's birthday. How can I say that about my moms birthday. The tears started yesterday and continued through today. Jason asked me what I wanted to do today and all I truly wanted to do was get in bed and pull the covers over my head. But when you are mom you never get to do that. So I got up and pushed through the morning. Our hospice nurse Larri became much more than just a nurse to me. She is the only person who saw what we went through and she herself lost her own son when he was 9 years old. Her son Trevor's birthday is tomorrow (the day after my moms). Since I cannot go to St. George to visit my mom's grave I go to Trevor's and visit his and Nurse Larri goes mom's. This year my grandparents (the best in the world) and Jenny came with me to the cemetery and we left balloons on Trevor's grave. I truly feel in my heart I know Trevor and when I see my mom I will see Trevor as well and know him. I feel he's an amazing person! I also have a tradition of buying balloons for each member of my family so each of us get to write a message on the balloon for mom and let it go outside. I want my children to know my mom and know their grandma Chris. We talk to Carter all the time about Grandma Chris. He says all the time she is in Heaven with Jesus and every time I hear the words they penetrate my soul. It is my mission to always know her as if she were here with me and to teach my children of her so they know her as well as they ever could. Another day, another year. I love you mom with all my heart and miss you beyond description. Happy happy Birthday!
Love Your
Shanny Babe

Carter's Finally 3!!!

Carter is absolutely obsessed with train! Especially Thomas! So fittingly we had a train birthday extravaganza! Train pinata, train cake, and the best thing of all he got an amazing train table! He absolutely loves it. It was so much fun giving it to him. The look on his face made every little heartache I have experienced as a mother completely worth it! He still plays with it almost constantly. We had lots of friends and family come and he got some great things. He even got a new bike from Grandma Kidman! Which he likes to be pushed around the house on with his cool new helmet. It was a monumentous day and he was beat by the end of it. And I sure am glad we have made it to the big 3! Happy Birthday my baby boy!

Cute Growing Cam!

Boxes

A few weeks ago my siblings and I decided it was time to go through the boxes of my mom's clothes. I have kept the boxes so safe. I wanted to make sure nothing happened to them and the smells were kept and anything else I could hold onto. I didn't want anything to go away. This task is something I knew I would have to do but dreaded the day we would actually sit down and do it. I prepared myself all day. I know this sounds strange but I had to take some time to sit down and grieve by myself, let go of those boxes, let go of the responsibility and control, and be okay with it.

Tara, Jenny, Casey and I sat down surrounded by these simple boxes holding simply clothing....but as we went slowly through every article of clothing there came tears, hysterical laughs, more tears, special memories, simple memories, more laughs and yet more tears. It was another release, another small step forward, another grasp of acceptance, and another reality of heartache.

We were all filled with love and understanding for each other. Respecting each others pain and memories. We get it, we get what the other is missing, loving, and losing. Shirts that reminded us of special events and ordinary events. The dress my mom wore at my wedding. The jacket she wore when she held my son for the first time. The shirt she would wear when she held my son for the last time. Those clothes she wore that reminded us of her sickness. The many many dance and work out clothes that defined so much of who my mom is and on and on until there were no tears or laughter left.

It was nice to spend that time together as siblings. To remember, to grieve, to cry, and to laugh. Mom would have been proud of us for doing an unthinkable task. So much of the time we spend trying to forget the pain, trying to pretend its not real, covering the heartache with something...anything. Sometimes it is necessary to face it straight on and maybe try to accept another piece of it.

Starting tomorrow, each of us will begin making our own blankets out of the clothes that carry so much meaning. (thank you Barb so much for your help with that) I think it will be another small step forward. Perhaps eventually these small steps will take us to higher ground and happier times.

pArTy!

We had a party to celebrate Jason's 29th Birthday, Labor Day, and the completion of our beautiful yard! It was the best! We had such a great time. Jason set up Rockband, we had music playing, our good good friend Mariano (who helped us finish our basement and backyard) brought his authentic taco stand! The food was absolutely incredible! It was amazing with lots of good friends and family! Thanks for a great time! What will I do for Jason's 30th birthday!?? It will be hard to top this party! Happy Birthday babe! We love you!









































Jason got a professional massage in his own basement! Casey is going to massage therapy school and is AMAZING! Anybody that is interested in getting massaged call me! Its discounted and he is sooo GOOD at it! Thanks Casey!

HARD WORK

Our yard is finally finished with many battle wounds to show for it! No trees or shrubs yet (maybe next year) It has been such hard work! I am so glad we have gotten this far...and remained married through it! ha ha! I absolutely love it. Everything turned out beautiful! Jason did such a great job! And I did too if I don't say so myself! Here are some before and after pictures of the masterpiece! Carter loves all of it. The sandbox, swings, tetherball, tramp! Makes me so happy to finally get to see him playing outside!

Ready!... Set!... Go!...

We are crawling! Cam has been crawling for awhile and she's now getting really fast! I had to put my plants up and I'm cleaning the floors constantly since they are her new best friend these days!

So this is what happens when your older cousin gets a hold of you! I was at my sister Tara's house and all of a sudden star divas Jay and Carter come walking down the stairs looking like this. I have never laughed so hard in my entire life!

Can I get a what what!

I have so many things I want to get posted. I just cannot find the time. However, I want to get our little weekend adventure posted while it is fresh in my mind. Last week Carter went to stay at his Grandma Kidman's house for 4 nights and 5 days! He did great...I on the other hand resorted to tears more than once. On Sunday we met Jason's parents half way to pick Carter up then we headed straight to Park City to use a "free" 2 night stay we had gotten from attending a salespitch thing over a year ago. I'm glad we were finally able to use it but I will NEVER be doing that again. It was such a hassle and I am not so fond of the company now. Anyhow, let me brief you on our great adventure!

Our hotel was.....well.....let's just call it special. It was one of those where I kept shoes on at all times and the thought of letting Cambri's precious little baby skin come remotely close to the carpet was horrifying. Yes it was that kind of place. I was afraid of going out of the room by myself. The entire thing was deserted. I never saw one actual human being that worked there. After much frustrated research I discovered the way to check out was to drop your key in this creepy box labeled "drop key here". I thought for sure the elevator was going to plummet me to my death everytime I stepped inside, even though it was the distance of about 4 stairs which I never did discover where any stairs were. The first night I saw a bug on the wall by the bed (and when I say bed I mean a mattress on a metal frame from the DI with a stiff sheet and a blanket that I refused to touch...(and when I say bug I mean the scariest bug on the planet and a huge personal fear I will never overcome...an EARWIG). I'm certain its the same hotel they feature in all the horror films. I did not obtain any pictures of this special place but if you would like a referral I would be glad to put in a good word to ...well...there is no evidence of actual people there, so you are out of luck! Oh and Jason thought the hotel was great. ohhhh...the differences between husbands and wives. Sometimes we think Jason is "special" too. ;)

Regardless of our luxurious room and board we had a great time. A bit stressful with two little ones but still great. Carter had the time of his life. Jenny came to spend the afternoon with us Monday at the Alpine slide area. We got Carter an all day pass so he rode all the rides all day. I took him on the Alpine slide which brought back some serious memories for Jenny and I and he had a blast racing Jenny and cousin Blake down the track (we won!). Jason took him on the Coaster and he LOVED it. I'm so proud of him. He is growing up! Then later that day I batted my pretty eyes and pulled the "poor mom" card and the workers let me take Carter on the coaster again for free (a $20 value!!) Car and I spotted 2 moose and never put the brakes on once going down, it was awesome! Anyway Carter really loved it and it brought me to tears seeing his face light up with excitement...then also brought me to tears when he threw MAJOR fits when we had to leave. :)

Today we got up and headed to Heber where we boarded for the Heber Valley Train! What an experience! If you haven't done it YOU SHOULD! Anyone who knows Carter knows how obsessed he is with Trains right now. He will play with trains all day and all night. They go to bed with him and wake up with him. Lately he has turned all his cars into trains by making Jason hook them all together using "duck tape"....also known as zip ties, Jason's duck tape, everything at our house is held together by zip ties. We bought him a little train before we boarded and he still has not put it down. He absolutely loved getting on a real train. In the middle of the ride the train stops and these outlaws come riding up to the train on horses shooting their guns and act like they are robbing it. It was so cool. Carter was a bit confused but the guy gave him a gold chocolate nugget so he was ok with it. He keeps saying he wants to go on the train again. It was a great experience.

It feels like we were gone forever and I am so so so happy to be back home with everyone sleeping AWAY from me. Everyone in their own rooms and own beds where they should be and where I am left to sleep in peace. :) 1 adult (me) and 3 children (including Jason) in one tiny creepy hotel room = no fun or sleep for me :0 The first night I literally flew out of bed a total of at least 8 x thinking Carter was going to fall off the couch he was sleeping on. Well here are lots of pictures from our fun family vacation!

Explanation: the title of this post is Carter's new catch phrase Jason taught him while yelling it down the coaster. It is hiliarious and he's such a polite boy he says "can I get a what what please" ha ha ha