This weekend I finished the baby's room. As I was clearing out the closet I realized I needed to move the boxes that store all of my mom's clothes. As I picked up each box one by one and moved them to a different room I couldn't believe what I was doing. You never think that one day you will have every article of clothing and every possesion of someone you love in boxes, someone that should be here with you...someone who never should have left...Someone you no longer get to be with...You find yourself doing things you shouldn't be having to do.... All of their things...what happens to all of their things...I sat down and opened a couple boxes and buried my tears in the clothes, and there she was...her smell. Her sweet perfect smell. The smell I would smell as I layed on her lap (even at age 25), the smell of her perfume, just the smell of her existence. Grieving is a thing that I don't understand. It comes in waves. For awhile you are fine. You can talk about them, You can look at pictures, You can think about them without losing it. Then all of a sudden a wave comes crashing down and it feels like you just found out she's gone. How could it have happened this way? How did my life end up in this place? But then the wave passes again and it seems almost bearable. I wonder if the waves will ever stop...
4 comments:
My neighbors mom passed away when all her kids were babies. She took her moms clothes and turned them into quilts for each child. She said it took her years to do this, because it was so hard. Each child sleeps with there blanket still, her youngest is in Jr. high. I thought it was a great way to know there grandma that had left to soon. Each square has such a special meaning to them. She can tell her kids a story about each one. Some are funny, some are sad, and some are touching. Hopefully this will help you get an idea of something you can do, so they aren't in a box. You can enjoy her everyday as hard as it may be.
Hey this is so well put, this is exactly the way I feel while going through this loss right along with you. It is so hard somehow I hope in time those waves will stop?? I love you.
I know I have always been awed that all of someones things get put in a box. Its so strange that all we have left are articles of clothing and figurines. Our reward will be great someday because you cannot know the happy unless you have experienced the sad. We definately have had the sad. I love you so much and I love her so much, we can do it together. She did leave us with eachother and that was a great gift. Thanks mom.
Hey Shannon, It's Ashley Nielson (Todd Smith's sister). I came across your blog and reading it brought me to tears. I respect you so much and all you have gone through. You have such a neat family and reading your blog makes you appreciate the wonderful gift mothers are. You are such a beautiful girl and I wish you the best.
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