Lately I cannot stop thinking about my mom. It has been awhile since I have written about her. I choose not to go there most the time. It is too hard and easier not to. If I open the wound...it gushes. But I just cannot get her off my mind. So I opened the wound tonight. My wonderful neighbor girls Kirrah and Ashley are taking off on a little vacation and heading to St. George and staying at my dad's house for a couple days. As I was telling them all the "hot spots" to hit in St. George I couldn't help but think of all the places mom and I would go and how many memories St. George holds for my family. We have been going there for so long. So I started telling the girls about my mom. Showing them pictures. Talking about her. Showing them some of my most precious possessions that I hold so sacred. I have a drawer that is filled with things from my mom, things from the funeral, wonderful things, and really hard things to face, things I choose not to face. I never ever open that drawer and tonight I just wanted to share a piece of myself and my mom with these great girls. Sometimes I just want to be surrounded with anything that is her. Nobody around me knows who my mom is and what she means to me. I want to shout it from the rooftops! I want to talk about her...I want to remember her...I want everyone to know her. Just a couple nights ago fairly late I picked up the phone without even thinking and called my dad. We sobbed together on the phone wondering how our life has ended up in this place. The reality of mom being gone and leaving us needing her. My dad told me how much he and my mom love me. Parents are irreplaceable. I can't believe I somehow ended up with the amazing parents I have. Helps me to be a better mother. My dad is a great man and will be blessed for the things he has endured in this life. My head hurts, my heart aches, my body trembles with the love, respect and longing for my mom. I cannot wait for the day I can rest from those feelings and she can wrap her arms around me once again.
6 comments:
K- Shannon! Love hearing about your mom. Wanna hear something weird? About an hours ago I was on the phone with my friend Jen. Her mom is really sick and she was telling me about some stuff. Anyway I told her about my dream that I had awhile back and thought of you! It's a sign! :-)
Jamie you are so in tune! Like I said we should be great friends! Thank you!
Oh shannon its good to hear you talk about it. Sometimes I think about you Jen Dad and Casey and I have so much admiration and respect to think of all that we have seen and been through. I am so proud of us for doing our best to live for a while without her. I too cannot wait to wrap my arms around her and have the pain be gone.
hey i know how you feel i feel that same way almost every day about melissa.. i will be in salt lake on the 20 we should hook up and do lunch or just visit at a park or something let me know... love you and you are in my prayers
Shannon, you are awesome! I didn't know your mom, but I'm sure you have a lot of her in you. You are such a great person and are sooo strong.
I'm so sorry about your mom. Your post made me get all teary-eyed. I don't know what I would do without my mom. Hang in there. :)
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