Fun in the Tub with my Cousins!

New Adventure

I would like to let everyone know I have started a business with a great friend of mine, Amber Rausch. It is called Forever Christine Tutus! It is in honor and memory of my mom! How perfect is that. We make custom tutus for all your little princesses! It is so much fun. It has been so therapeutic for me. Everyday I get to see my mom's name. Everytime I make a tutu I think of her. I get to talk about her and share my her legacy with strangers. I know she would be amazed and so proud. My mom danced her whole life and taught me everything I know. Dance is one thing that has connected us through the eternities. This is her logo she drew many many years ago for all the dance adventure she embarked on. Now it is our logo! A few months ago I also got this logo tatooed on my ankle. Might sound silly but it has special meaning to me that I can't explain. I know my mom would laugh (and forgive me for doing it.) I couldn't be happier with it though.

So for those of you with little girls....you know who you are....yes I am talking to you! You need a Christine tutu! Something to give to your daughter and send you a reminder of how miraculous a relationship is between mother and daughter. We are just getting up and started. We are doing tutu parties, so if any of you would be willing to host a party (you get a free tutu) let me know. Or if you just want to order a tutu let me know and I will give you all the details. Those of you who live out of state....are not off the hook I will ship it to you! Love you all. Thanks for your support in my healing! Love Shannon

One Year

It has been one year since my mom left us. I want to pay tribute to my family for surviving the last year. It has been a hard one and I think the years to come will continue to be hard for awhile. We have survived and I know my mom is very proud of us. I miss her so much and I can't even let my mind remember that I have not seen or talked to my mom in over a year. How could that be? How are we supposed to be okay with that. How can I go from talking and being with her everyday to not at all.

Recently, a little 13 year old girl in our Sunday School class at church passed away. Randi Jo. What a sweet, precious girl she was. As I attended all of the events and offered my support to her family I reflected on my experience of losing my mom. It's easy to try to avoid those feelings. I feel if I don't open the wound then it won't hurt so bad. The busier I stay, the less it hurts. But sometimes the wound is forced to be opened and felt, which is an important part in healing. Everytime I look at a picture of her it makes me smile! She is amazing. I long for the day when I get to be with her again! I love you mom.

Thank you to all of you who supported me this last year. And especially to those who didn't stop calling, or emailing, or sending me special things to help me through. A special thanks to Ashley for the beautiful flowers sent on the year anniversary. It all helps me so much

The Good Times

This picture is so special to me. After I graduated from the University of Utah I went to my parents house for a week to celebrate! They spoiled me just like they used to. It was so much fun. This particular night they took me to a play at Tuachan. Halfway through the show it started to downpour! By the time we made it back to the car we were soaked head to toe. It was so much fun. My mom and I were laughing so hard! My mom was so much fun. We had such a blast together. The best times I can remember in my life were the times spent laughing hysterically with my mom! I love and miss her so much.

One Word Blog Tag

you're feeling: lonely (Jason is gone tonight)
to your left: my cell phone
on your mind: Sleep
last meal included: yogurt
you sometimes find it hard to: find happiness
the weather: cold and windy
something you have a collection of: my mom's art
a smell that cheers you up: summer rain
a smell that ruins your mood: onions or B.O.
how long since you last shaved: 5 days ago....yikes!
the current state of your hair: awful, needs to be done, luckily I have an appt next week!
the largest item on your desk right now (not computer): a stack of bills!
your skill with chopsticks: non existent
which section you head to first in the bookstore: non-fiction
... and after that? children's
something you're craving: sleep...I obviously don't get enough of it
your general thoughts on the presidential race: Confused
how many times have you been to the hospital this year: none thank goodness
a favorite place to go for quiet time: my bedroom, cemetery
you've always secretly thought you'd be good: teaching, and being a mom (until I actually became one)
something that freaks you out a little: everything and nothing at the same time (does that make any sense)
something you've eaten too much of lately: I don't eat much these days
you have never: been out of the country
you never want to: lose my family
Those were hard to keep to one word!! ... I tag Jenny, Alix, and Austin :)

Saying Goodbye

Tootaloo to our bedroom
When we finished our basement I put my handprints on the floor' I'll forever be there'

Me and Carter being sad'
Time to move on (notice the banisters also painted by me)Good bye Kitchen that I painted' (notice where the fridge was) I'm such an excellent painter! he he
Jason couldn't be happier to get out!
Carter's room' (Also painted with my own bare hands)

Our New Home

So as some of you already know we have moved. Yes the state finally kicked us out of our house and we moved! Everything actually went very well. UTA treated us great and gave us a great value for our home...more than we could have gotten selling it on our own for sure. It has been a blessing. The spec home that we built did not sell and we decided the best thing to do was to move into it. So here we are! We live in Saratoga Springs in a beautiful home. Things are going really well. We are actually really starting to like it here. The house is feeling like our home now with furniture and pictures on the walls. I feel so much better being out of boxes and knowing where I am! Ever since we got that letter in the mail saying they were taking our house things have been in complete disarray. It was a bit sad leaving our first home but it was a good move and we are doing good!

Trying to Move On

Moving on. Two words that are the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. It is a hard time of year right now for me and my family. A year ago my mom was here with me. She was at my house. We went to lunch together and talked for hours in my car. What a wonderful moment that was. How I cherish every second of it. I have a text message from her on my phone from exactly a year ago February 1st. I read it often and can't believe she is not here with me. How can I move on? If I move on will I forget her? It is so painful to think of her and her not being here. How could she leave me? How could she leave my dad? How could Heavenly Father take her? I don't understand. So many questions and answers I long to know. I wish I could just be with her even for a moment. Wherever that perfect place is. I wonder what she is doing? Is she truly happy? How could she be happy without her family? I wonder if she remembers how much she loved me? I wonder what it would have been like to have her here to watch Carter grow. He was only 4 months old when she left. Would she laugh at the things he is doing? What would it be like to watch her love him. When she was here she gave everything of herself. And I am so grateful for everything she did and sacrificed for me. Sometimes I wish she wouldn't have been so perfect and maybe she would still be here. My amazing dad is getting married in a week. I know if he had a choice he would give anything to have his life back with his wife that he loved so dearly! I will forever look up to the relationship my parents shared. As they progressed through life their marriage became perfected and I was able to witness a love between my parents I never could have imagined. What a blessing. I am proud of my dad for picking up the pieces of his devastated life and trying to put them back together the best way he knows how. He has turned to the Lord for help and I couldn't be more proud of him. I know and hope the hole in my heart will heal. That my family will be able to move on and understand the answers to our questions.

More Christmas!!

To many toys!
Lost in the mess! Where's Waldo? Where's Carter?
This was Carter's favorite present...I mean this was Jason's favorite present!
Ben was the creepiest Santa I've ever seen!

Carter's first real christmas

This was Christmas Eve! Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen!
Carter got a stocking full of hot wheels! He loved them!
Ridin the presents!

Happy New Year

We actually stayed up till midnight!

Carter stayed up with us!

We had a great party at Tara's house for New Years. Carter stayed up for his first New Year's celebration!

Carter hated Santa!

I dont know if you can see Carter's face in this picture...but he was screaming like I have never seen him scream! He hated Santa! I thought he'd look at him strangely but I didn't think he would be terrified of Santa Clause!

CHRISTMAS

As I am sure all of you can imagine, Christmas and all the holidays were very hard this year. I know they will be for the rest of our lives, having to have them without our mom who was the center of our family. I am so proud of my entire family for getting through them this year. That is the only thing we expected of eachother was to get through it. And we did. I know I have said this before but I have learned so much about my family and they are the most amazing people I know. If you told me we would have to endure a tragedy, like the loss of our mother from this life, I would have told you we would become depressed people who could only manage to stare at the wall. But we are hanging on and enduring and living. I can't even begin to think of the right words to describe how amazing my little brother Casey is. He is serving on a mission right now and while he is out there in the mission field without any of his family or friends and enduring this entire event while being there he is the one that is giving us hope and strenthening our faith. He reminds us to be happy. He is incredible. It is all due to my wonderful parents and especially my mom for all she has taught us. They taught us to be happy! There are so many ups and downs but we are finding the ways to keep living even if at times we no longer want to. We keep eachother afloat. Anyway we made it through Christmas this year and survived. I know my mom is proud of us. I love you mom!

Carter for Halloween

Carter was the cutest little giraffe there ever was! Our neighbor had a haunted house in his garage...right after the picture was taken Carter started to scream! I don't blame him!

The House Update

It has been awhile since I have updated anything. I guess getting through the holidays was all I could muster out of myself. Just thought I would give an update on our whole house disaster situation. It actually has been a blessing. The Trax has treated us very well and taken good care of us so far. They are giving us a good amount for our home (more than we could ever think about selling it for in this market) So that is great, plus additional relocation benefits.

We were a little concerned about being able to sell this house when the time came, due to the train tracks being so close, so it is nice to not have that to worry about, even if we weren't quite ready to move yet. We are closing on our house in a couple days. We have been looking at homes for a long time now and have found some promising ones. I have prospects taped up all over my office. But for the moment we have put house hunting on hold....BECAUSE for the past year we have been building a spec home in Saratoga Springs planning on putting it on the market and making money on it by selling it. Well the market has taken quite a turn since and our odds aren't looking so promising on actually getting the spec home sold. It is a beautiful home. I mean BEAUTIFUL! 1/2 million dollar home but the area is overdeveloped right now and just growing to fast. Anyway what I am getting to is if we don't sell this spec home by April we plan to move into it. Ahhh! Yes scary...the house is wonderful like I said but we are hoping to just sell it and be able to buy a home in the valley. Jason and I are not good travelers, so commuting isn't the best plan for us...not to mention we aren't in the situation to afford that kind of a house....so if that ends up happening I will take donations of FOOD! :) :0 ;) So anyhow that is the update with that. Trax is allowing us to rent our house back until April. So we are stuck here until then. I love this house but I am in moving mode so I am ready to get going wherever we are headed. I have lost the desire to maintain my house and clean it and stuff...which is not like me and not a good thing! Its driving me crazy. I feel very disorganized. I know it will work out how it is supposed to. Everything has happened to perfectly for all of this to be a coincidence, I believe we are meant to be somewhere else! :) Stay tuned to see where the Kidman's end up...and hopefully its not homeless! he he

Big Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

This last weekend we took a girls weekend down to St. George. It was just what the doctor ordered for each and every one of us. We stayed at my dad's house and drug all the mattresses out into the living room just like we did when we were twelve. It was fantastic! We laughed and cried...and cried and laughed some more. We spend hours reading our Vampire books (which are just incredible and none of us can keep from becoming obsessed with these books) Anyway it was such a great weekend. We intend to do it at least twice a year or if it is up to be once a month!

F~R~I~E~N~D~S

Good friends are hard to come by but fabulous friends are sometimes just around the corner! I am so grateful for my sisters Tara and Jenny and those I consider sisters Britta and Leigh-Anne. Sometimes it's hard to recognize the blessings in our lives. The blessing of the people that are placed in my life I have no trouble realizing it was my Heavenly Father and my precious mother who put them there. I believe with everything in me that my mom was taken at this time but she put some amazing people to help me get through these unbearable times and make them more bearable. I will never be able to express my gratitude for these girls in my life. Thank you!

HALLOWEEN

So we held our first annual Halloween party this year. We had a great time. It was so much fun.
Just in case you can't tell what I am dressed up as...I decided to express my inner beauty and be the "queen of dark and dreary"! Ya know let my inner self shine through! :) :) :) And Jason dressed up as "JASON" Aren't we creative.
We had such a fantastic time! What wonderful friends and family we have.

Carter's First Birthday!

Carter did amazing on his birthday! We had such a great day. Lots of family and friends came to our party. He finally got some toys to play with instead of pots and pans and Tupperware that I give him. He is thrilled. Thanks everyone for your gifts!

Eating Cake...and then...

I made Carter his own cake. He loved it! We stripped him down and he dove right in without hesitation!
Mouth Fulls after Mouth Fulls...

And stupid mommy just kept letting him eat and eat...it was his birthday I couldn't take it away from him...

Perhaps we are feeling a little queasy by now....maybe we should have stopped a few bites ago! Carter ate a lot of the cake...and being the wonderful mother that I am...I let him! After the party died down and came to an end we gave our birthday boy a nice bath and got him all cleaned up. We put him to bed and retired to our bed to rest from the big birthday bash. At 12:30 AM I woke up to a crying baby, not an unusual event by the way. I went in to get him, picked him up ready to give him a nice hug and kiss and low and behold he was covered in throw up!!! Every single ounce of his cake was all over him, his bed, his blankets...everywhere! I should have known not to let a one year old eat a cake...(rookie mistake)...We once again threw him in the bath and changed all the sheets. He was happy as could be, with a confused look on his face wondering how he had been from fast asleep in his crib to playing in the bathtub in the middle of the night! All I have to say is Lesson learned.

Party! Party!

More Great Nights

Another picture taken at 3AM. No explanation needed!